A few weeks ago, a good blogging friend of mine wrote to me, telling the story of the horrible experience she had putting up a family member in her home for a ten day vacation.
She was nice enough to open her house, for free, to a cousin who was old enough to know better and I was just appalled at some of the things this so called “houseguest” did. I could hear and see the frustration in her voice and quite frankly I felt that she has been wronged- and I was going to do my part to try and make it right.
I am not going to get into the specifics here, not because I’d like to protect the guilty (she deserves to be shamed!) but, more so to protect my friend and keep her in her family’s good graces.
I thought we could all learn a few things from her experience. So, I’ll offer some tips on How to be a Good Houseguest.
For the purpose of this post, we will define houseguest as someone who is invited to stay, free of charge, in a friend or family member’s home. There is a big difference between a houseguest and a paying guest in a hotel. Please, keep this in mind.
1. You are your own maid. Whether you keep your own home spic and span or you live in the sheer filth of a pig sty, in someone else’s home, you need to be a clean freak. Make your bed, don’t leave things strewn all over the house, straighten the bathroom, fix your own meal and do your dishes, clean up after yourself. If you make a mess, clean it up. Do not expect maid service as a houseguest! End of story.
2. Ask and adhere to the house schedule. There is a good chance that the family you stay with is NOT on vacation, and must go about their normal lives, with you in the way. Schedule your shower, any food preparation and approved computer and electronic time around the family, so that you don’t disturb them. This way you won’t be spending hours in the shower, holding up someone from getting to their job – which incidentally pays for the house that you are staying in, free of charge.
3. Contribute something. Remember that boatload of cash you are saving, staying with family for free? Well, why not pay it forward? Offer to take your hosts to dinner one night. Or cook them dinner at home. Buy some groceries, bring your host a bottle of wine. Anything, really. Just show your appreciation!
4. Just because it is there, doesn’t mean you should use it! Ask before helping yourself to things in the home. Ask to use the computer, the stereo, the TV. If you want to watch a movie (when no one else is using the TV of course) make sure you have someone show you how to properly operate remotes and electronic equipment. The last thing you want is to break something or cause your host anguish over reprogramming or diagnosing an issue that you created.
5. Don’t bring unwanted visitors. This is a big one! Remember, you don’t live in this home. It is never appropriate to bring a stranger (read axe-murderer) into the home without permission. And certainly not for a one-nite-stand sleep over. If you need to meet up with someone, do it in a public location- like a restaurant or a park.
6. Don’t expect to be entertained. Bring your own chock full, pre-planned itinerary and make sure to have plenty of things to do. You can certainly ask for suggestions, but don’t expect travel agent or concierge service. Nobody wants you lazing around the house all day in your pajamas, either. Unless otherwise discussed, you must assume your hosts will go about their daily lives- shuttling kids, working, shopping and things they must do during the day. They are not your personal entertainment. Nor should you expect them to be your personal taxi cab!
7. The computer is not yours. If you want to use it, again you ask. If the only convenient time is 2am, then guess what? That is when you use it! Otherwise, bring our own laptop (hey, what a novel idea) or find a close internet cafe where you can surf to your heart’s content! And for goodness sake- do not visit inappropriate web sites or download programs and hundreds of vacation photos without permission!
8. Remember who pays the utilities. Long after you leave, the utility bills will start rolling in. No one wants to see an additional $75 phone bill or that you ordered 10 pay-per-view movies without even a mention. Don’t use the hosts phone for calls. Pay for any movies that you ordered. Don’t take 3 hour showers or leave every light on in the blessed house when you leave or turn the the air-conditioning on full blast, when the fan would do just fine. Be aware that your presence will automatically increase utility bills and do your part to minimize those charges.
9. Do your laundry. Offer to wash your sheets and towels when you are leaving. Remake the bed with fresh sheets before you go. Clean your room. Leave it just like it was when you arrived. It should look like you were never there.
10. Say thank you. And then follow it up by sending a thank you note when you get home. This should go without saying, but Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt wouldn’t have it any other way. It is the right thing to do. And your host will be more likely to invite you back the next time.
As a little bonus, I am going to throw in a few tips for anyone considering opening up their home to someone for a vacation stay. Please give it the serious consideration it deserves and make sure you set boundaries and communicate said boundaries long before your guests even set foot on your doorstep.
If your rules are not followed, or you feel you are being disrespected in any way, remember whose house it is and don’t hesitate to supply your guest with an already prepared list of several nearby budget hotel options (handwritten on elegant paper and tied with a pretty ribbon of course) and show them the door.