Travel Tip Tuesday – Ten Tips for Being a Good Houseguest
A few weeks ago, a good blogging friend of mine wrote to me, telling the story of the horrible experience she had putting up a family member in her home for a ten day vacation.
She was nice enough to open her house, for free, to a cousin who was old enough to know better and I was just appalled at some of the things this so called “houseguest” did. I could hear and see the frustration in her voice and quite frankly I felt that she has been wronged- and I was going to do my part to try and make it right.
I am not going to get into the specifics here, not because I’d like to protect the guilty (she deserves to be shamed!) but, more so to protect my friend and keep her in her family’s good graces.
I thought we could all learn a few things from her experience. So, I’ll offer some tips on How to be a Good Houseguest.
For the purpose of this post, we will define houseguest as someone who is invited to stay, free of charge, in a friend or family member’s home. There is a big difference between a houseguest and a paying guest in a hotel. Please, keep this in mind.
1. You are your own maid. Whether you keep your own home spic and span or you live in the sheer filth of a pig sty, in someone else’s home, you need to be a clean freak. Make your bed, don’t leave things strewn all over the house, straighten the bathroom, fix your own meal and do your dishes, clean up after yourself. If you make a mess, clean it up. Do not expect maid service as a houseguest! End of story.
2. Ask and adhere to the house schedule. There is a good chance that the family you stay with is NOT on vacation, and must go about their normal lives, with you in the way. Schedule your shower, any food preparation and approved computer and electronic time around the family, so that you don’t disturb them. This way you won’t be spending hours in the shower, holding up someone from getting to their job – which incidentally pays for the house that you are staying in, free of charge.
3. Contribute something. Remember that boatload of cash you are saving, staying with family for free? Well, why not pay it forward? Offer to take your hosts to dinner one night. Or cook them dinner at home. Buy some groceries, bring your host a bottle of wine. Anything, really. Just show your appreciation!
4. Just because it is there, doesn’t mean you should use it! Ask before helping yourself to things in the home. Ask to use the computer, the stereo, the TV. If you want to watch a movie (when no one else is using the TV of course) make sure you have someone show you how to properly operate remotes and electronic equipment. The last thing you want is to break something or cause your host anguish over reprogramming or diagnosing an issue that you created.
5. Don’t bring unwanted visitors. This is a big one! Remember, you don’t live in this home. It is never appropriate to bring a stranger (read axe-murderer) into the home without permission. And certainly not for a one-nite-stand sleep over. If you need to meet up with someone, do it in a public location- like a restaurant or a park.
6. Don’t expect to be entertained. Bring your own chock full, pre-planned itinerary and make sure to have plenty of things to do. You can certainly ask for suggestions, but don’t expect travel agent or concierge service. Nobody wants you lazing around the house all day in your pajamas, either. Unless otherwise discussed, you must assume your hosts will go about their daily lives- shuttling kids, working, shopping and things they must do during the day. They are not your personal entertainment. Nor should you expect them to be your personal taxi cab!
7. The computer is not yours. If you want to use it, again you ask. If the only convenient time is 2am, then guess what? That is when you use it! Otherwise, bring our own laptop (hey, what a novel idea) or find a close internet cafe where you can surf to your heart’s content! And for goodness sake- do not visit inappropriate web sites or download programs and hundreds of vacation photos without permission!
8. Remember who pays the utilities. Long after you leave, the utility bills will start rolling in. No one wants to see an additional $75 phone bill or that you ordered 10 pay-per-view movies without even a mention. Don’t use the hosts phone for calls. Pay for any movies that you ordered. Don’t take 3 hour showers or leave every light on in the blessed house when you leave or turn the the air-conditioning on full blast, when the fan would do just fine. Be aware that your presence will automatically increase utility bills and do your part to minimize those charges.
9. Do your laundry. Offer to wash your sheets and towels when you are leaving. Remake the bed with fresh sheets before you go. Clean your room. Leave it just like it was when you arrived. It should look like you were never there.
10. Say thank you. And then follow it up by sending a thank you note when you get home. This should go without saying, but Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt wouldn’t have it any other way. It is the right thing to do. And your host will be more likely to invite you back the next time.
As a little bonus, I am going to throw in a few tips for anyone considering opening up their home to someone for a vacation stay. Please give it the serious consideration it deserves and make sure you set boundaries and communicate said boundaries long before your guests even set foot on your doorstep.
If your rules are not followed, or you feel you are being disrespected in any way, remember whose house it is and don’t hesitate to supply your guest with an already prepared list of several nearby budget hotel options (handwritten on elegant paper and tied with a pretty ribbon of course) and show them the door.
I know some of you out there have horror stories just waiting to be told about unruly houseguests! Now is your chance. Share your stories in the comments. And what additional tips can you offer one for being a good houseguest?
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And I know Cherrye’s might have a few stories, since she runs a B&B. Visit her for more travel tips today!
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Friends & Supporters
July 7th, 2009
Excellent list – cleaning up after yourself is a must, who doesn’t do that??
July 7th, 2009
Anil,you and I think alike. It is called common sense.But, the things this girl did would curl your hair. I can’t excuse such bad behavior!! Sounds like you’d be a perfect houseguest
July 7th, 2009
When my in-laws come visit us (I’m French, my husband is American and we live in France) they wait for me to cook lunch and diner… But when we visit them, we either eat out or eat sandwiches or order pizzas!! That’s the thing I still find hard to live with!
July 7th, 2009
Oh my!! I think they owe you a few nice homecooked meals Isabelle?? Myabe your MIL needs a few cooking lessons
July 7th, 2009
I would be the perfect guest too
Very good list, must remember that when I have people to stay!
I have read quite a few blogs who say the same as Isabelle, why do they do that, or is it just some?
July 8th, 2009
I had to print these tips for my daughter, who leaves Saturday for a two week home stay in Japan. I’ve told her most of these, but seeing them from someone else may help them sink in, especially #1!
I had house guests from hell several years ago, and while the stories about them are funny now, I remember vividly pulling away from the curb after dropping them at the airport and breaking into cheers!
March 16th, 2010
Some good points
I find the hardest thing is that family expect to be entertained. They sit waiting for you to tell them where you are going to take them for the day, then you end up paying for all the entrance fees. Also the cooking Breakfast lunch and dinner. In laws are always up early when you get up no coffee made,they are all sitting round the breakfast table looking at one another or nobody has thought to go and get the fresh bread. Somehow they think it arrives all by its self
Ah, family visits. What a joy
March 16th, 2010
When my ex – in-laws (we still get along – they are great people) visit their family they always bring along their own sheets and towels and return home and wash them (we’re talking from Indiana to Kentucky). May not be practical on long flights, etc. But a good idea!
Wow, they sound like the perfect houseguests! Lucky you
December 11th, 2010
Really good list and excellent to share with offspring who may have forgotten bits of what you taught them when they were growing up. We have been lucky with most of our visitors but I agree with Toulousenessie that it’s a real strain when people arrive and expect you to have an itinerary sorted for every day of their stay – and to be the cook and driver! My OH was at work when some NZ rellies arrived. In all other respects they were model guests but two weeks of this was exhausting: even to send them off on trips by themselves took some researching since they had done zero in the way of homework before getting here.
It can be stressful and exhausting and I wish more people would use common sense and manners! Thanks for popping by
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