Travel Tip Tuesday – Five Useless Travel Products

I am always excited when I get a new travel product catalog – I can’t wait to peruse the pages and find out what’s new on the market.  Or similarly, when I open an email for an on line site or store reviewing the latest and greatest in travel gear.

1. Topping the list is a product called Urninelle.  I don’t know who they think they are kidding here?  It is a paper urinal, made to sound like a fancy French item with the simple addition of elle at the end.  Ok, I can’t really imagine a time where I would find this useful?  I mean, if nature calls, I think I’d rather just pop-a-squat in the park before trying to aim and fail miserably, thereby dribbling urine (or is that uriné) down my fingers, hand, wrist and arm.  Eeww.  Seriously.  Eeww.  And may I ask what you are supposed to do with a warm paper cone full of pee once it is full? Carry it around in your bag until you find a trash can, perhaps?  What if the damned thing springs a leak?  Yeah, no thanks.  I’ll go the old fashioned way- I’ll locate the nearest McDonalds-thankyouverymuch!

2. Next up is the ingeniously designed bag marketed to travelers who want to be able to {a} see what is in their toiletry bag and {b} want to be able to keep said items, handy and separate from other items in an easy to reach place on the plane. They are called Mesh Pockets and for $12.95, plus shipping and handling, you could have a set of three.  Uh, hu-lo, haven’t you ever heard of a ZIP LOCK BAG?! Found at grocery and convenience stores everywhere, you too could have a whole box of these magic bags that are clear, come in different sizes and when used correctly can in fact separate items.  For less than $5.00, you could have many, many bags. And you won’t be sad if you loose one, ‘cuz you have 11 more at home just like it.

3. Chalk this one up to a little too much technology.  This $99 portable water purifiyer, called a SteriPEN, looks like something Dr. Spock would use on the Starship Enterprise- it even emits UV rays into your water allowing it to glow in the dark – it can double as a nightlight!  It kills thousands of bacteria, viruses and protozoa.  I actually have my own solution for water laced with bacteria, not fit for human consumption and considered non-potable…and it’s free.  Wait for it….DON’T DRINK THE WATER! Or better yet- why not travel to a civilized country that actually proves that it welcomes travelers by providing clean, cool, delicious, germ-free tap water to both tourists and citizens alike!

4. To accomplish packing light on long trips, you’ll need to do laundry -either by finding a nearby laundromat or handwashing items in your hotel’s bathroom sink. Unless of course you take the WonderWash along with you. Yes, just what every traveling housewife wants!  After slaving over her family day after day for a year- she finally gets to join her family on their vacation of a lifetime, but she won’t leave home without a washing machine?!  Lord knows she won’t be happy unless she can wash all of her families dirty clothes in a hand-crank portable washing machine. Yes, I can just see them flying off the shelves now! C’mon. The only thing I’m doing with this on a trip is filling it with fresh strawberries, milk and crushed ice and churnin’ my way to some homemade ice cream.

5. You can personalize your itinerary, personalize your luggage and now thanks to Plane Sheets, you can personalize your airplane seat!?  Oh, as if throwing a designer sleeve over an uncomfortable economy seat masks the fact that your a sardine in a straightjacket- gimmie a break! Plane Sheets claims that just by throwing on your cheeta print seat cover you can transform your tired, overused airline seat, into a cozy, happy place.  Wrong! That’s what an upgrade to first class and/or valium will do. And if you are using it as perhaps a simple solution for identifying your seat among all of the other sardine-can seats – I have an easier method.  All seats are identifiable by a number- letter pattern, ie 24B. Match the number-letter combo listed on the overhead bin directly above the seat with that on your ticket. Voila! You have located your seat. Now wasn’t that easy- and flippin’ free?